..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
