Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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