What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
