I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
