Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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