Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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