I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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