one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
