Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
