Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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