Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
