Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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