While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
