Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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