Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
