do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
