When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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