Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No...this little piggys going to the bar
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
