You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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