I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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