Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
