eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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