thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
