do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
