you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
