I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
