i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
