I got chris browned last night
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
