Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
