the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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