stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
