I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
