I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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