do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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