I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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