every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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