This is not my ceiling
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize