I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
