So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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