i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
