while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
