Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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