My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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