Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
