The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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