I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize