4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
