life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
