He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
