barbara walters just said penis...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
