You work out of a Hotel?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
