there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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