Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize