At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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