hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
