So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the condom got lost in my hair
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
