i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
