yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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