i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize