i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
