well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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