I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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