i permit you to call me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
