M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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