In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
