I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
