where am i from again
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
