my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
they need to just BURY HIM!
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Randomize