i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
