Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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