I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
