Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
