I just cut my nipple shaving
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
