Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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