Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
