Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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