I am puke
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
