its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
