I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
