Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
What a dumb baby whore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
