Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
