Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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