Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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