hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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