O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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