she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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