Barsexuality is the new black.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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