i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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