Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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