That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
