just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
