Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
where does the pee come out of this thing
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I love you. Go after that dick
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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