I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
