I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
