I want to have your abortion
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
