I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize