when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
