Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize