Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
now i know why i became what i already was.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
