yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
