i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
