i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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