Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
