just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
