I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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