I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
This baby is an asshole
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
