i may or may not be watching the land before time
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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