dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wanna passion pit in your ass
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Drunk is not a location!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
